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Written October 22, 1998
Running dizzy circles around myself,
My foot's stuck in between.
Where can I go? What can I say?
My mind screams five thousand different instructions at me,
Pressuring me to decide and act quickly
Before the thunder flashes and the lightning rolls.
Whirling clouds of questions flood my vision.
I'm caught in a blinding blizzard,
With only hope to warm my frigid soul.
What is hope? Where does it come from?
My conscience jeers at me,
Frolicking around inside my head,
Flaunting pointy tail and crimson pitchfork.
How can one so fiery bring such chill to my being?
Icy death seeps into my heart,
Discouraging hope's bold entrance.
Cold fires flash before my eyes,
Burning blueish-black and dim, half-starved
Fed ritually with the shunned hopes,
the discarded dreams,
the life, the love, all left for naught...
Enchanted, I gaze transfixed by the dance,
The dance of the evil nymphs,
Triumphantly parading about the fire
Stamping their curling toes furiously to the beat of drums
And clanging cymbals, clashed together sporadically.
They lift up their shrieking voices in warring harmony,
Celebration of their victorious hunt.
I awake, drenched in sweat each morning,
Memories of nightmarish thoughts rampage,
Pounding, hammering, battering my sense to pieces,
The pain overwhelms me
Suppression is the key, I tell myself.
The years grow longer, the load less light
Life less pleasant, songs become bluer,
Love more elusive,
Ever running around that bend in the road...
E-mail me at:SmileyCarli@yahoo.com